Corporate Codswallop!

  • Bravo Giles Coren for writing in The Times about all the ‘meaningless jargon’ that modern managers employ in their everyday business chitchat/ office-speak/ Powerpoint presentations
  • No doubt such words meet their need to sound important – but are ‘utterly superfluous’ 
  • They disguise the fact that they often don’t really understand what they’re talking about
  • And, more importantly, neither do their audiences 
  • Managers are the main drivers of productivity improvement – they alone have the power and responsibility to decide and then organise changes needed
  • But it’s their teams that have to implement them – so they need clear direction and motivation for the action needed, not ‘corporate codswallop’
  • Managers so inclined should thus bear in mind the wise words of Albert Einstein: “If they can’t explain it to a 6-year old, it’s (probably) because they don’t understand it themselves” – for that is what many on the receiving end may think
  • We listed the following tired cliche examples of ‘What NOT to say’ in our book ‘Productivity Knowhow Revisited’ viz:
    • At the end of the day
    • Ballpark figure
    • Between a rock and a hard place
    • Blue sky thinking
    • Get in front of the curve
    • Get on the same page
    • Glass half-full
    • Lack the bandwidth
    • Mission critical
    • Move the goalposts
    • Park that offline
    • Push the envelope
    • Sing from the same hymn sheet (if you don’t want to be heard?)
    • Step up to the plate
    • Think outside the box
    • Walk the walk, talk the talk
  • But Giles Coren goes further – so enjoy his list below and reflect on when you last had to listen to such tripe, from whom:
    • Dig into granular detail
    • Get you up to speed
    • Hit the ground running
    • Start on a level playing field
    • Reinvent the wheel
    • Run a few ideas up the flagpole – sliding up and down my flagpole
    • Tackling the low-hanging fruit
    • Paradigm shifts
    • Sea change, step change, lane change, gear change, tidal change
    • Blue sky thinking
    • Green sky optionality, brown sky pontification
    • Curve balls
    • Thinking outside the box
    • Stepping up to the plate
    • Circling the box for a reach-around
    • Loop into a holistic approach from the get-go
    • Ping you for an update
    • Fast forward
    • Synergise
    • Jump on a call, hop on a Zoom, leap on a LinkedIn, straddle a Slack thread
    • Bang the sweet bejesus out of a Teams meeting
    • I just wanted to touch base
    • Put a pin in that one
    • Get all your ducks in a row
    • Plenty of boots on the ground
    • Action the optics so as to optimise the visuals
    • Pencil it in until such time as you can put it on hold

 

CONCLUSION – Bravo Giles Coren – please keep banging that drum – louder if possible

 

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